MISTERSiDS

I just don’t know how I feel. I’m literally so confused.

This past weekend, I’ve realized how insecure and shy I truly am.

Maybe some things will never change. Maybe I’m just not the type of guy to “make a move”. I prefer to be a gentleman and stay within my boundaries. Maybe nowadays girls want someone to cross the line a little bit. I don’t know. If I had to, I would. But I would prefer not to. Even though I can, I feel like I won’t. Its not the way I was brought up. It’s not the way my morals work.

Its especially harder when I really like a girl. I get all types of shy. I won’t show it, and you would never be able to tell, but I get soooo shy on the inside. I literally ruin my own chances by not trying something. I prefer to take it slow and just be friends, even if I really like someone.

I won’t explicitly do anything that really shows I like them. Meanwhile, all the other guys jump at every little chance they get. And lets be honest here, the more chances you take, the more successful you will be. I just limit myself and then bitch about it later. 

Its such a vicious cycle. 

I wish I wasn’t so shy sometimes. I wish I had the courage to grab a girl, look into her eyes, and tell her that I care about her and that I would do anything to see her happy. I wish I didn’t just sit there and hear her talk about all the guys that like her and how wonderful some of them are. I wish I didn’t doubt myself so much. I wish I could be more confident in myself. I just wish I could tell her that I may not be any better than those guys, but that I promise to love her more than any of them. And that I would never disappoint her and try my best to make sure she wakes up with a smile on her face and goes to bed with the same. 

I just wish…

I just wish I could tell her how I feel and that she could maybe give me a chance to make her mine. 

BUT

- She lives 266 miles away from me.
- Has 4 guys that like her BESIDES ME.
- Is dating one of them.
- That one is in Harvard Med School.
- Can play the guitar and sing.
- Plays cricket.
- Lives 10 mins from her.
- Oh yeah and the 3 other guys still there that all live close to her and in her building and stuff. 
- Then theres… me.

See my problem? I can’t compete with all that!

I know I like her more than all of them but I legit have no chance here.